(no subject)

Okay so today ended up being my fake birthday too, only I was sick still kinda so I managed (with Megan sr.'s help) to get out of the pub part but I'm supposed to do that another day and I just can't I can't I can't. That girl can drink anyone under the table and she's puking so bad right now. And people took pictures and that just seems mean. If I drank that much I'd die and there's the problem that there's alcoholism in my family and I just don't feel good at all about not being able to control when I'm drinking because I could just go down that not so good path. I drank way too much first term last year and I know I did and I made myself stop with the over partying and I know it's all part of university life but I just can't do it. I need Carma here she's my good sense at school and I'm trying so hard to be sensible on my own but that girl kept me grounded and now I'm here alone and I do like it here but I don't know people well enough to be like okay here's my problem make it better, it's just something that's expected. You go the pub, everyone buys you a shot you drink, you puke it's bad. That much alcohol I just can't take in more ways than one. I'm so worried now. I have an 830 class tomorrow (the one I already missed once this week so I can't miss it again) and I can't sleep. I'm just up and sad and I don't know what I want. I don't want to go home. Here is more home to me but I want Carma here and people from Huntington here and some Toronto people here cuz they know I'm not skipping on the massive partying cuz I'm boring or a hermit or cuz I don't want to participate.... I feel left out and sad and I just want a hug. I think I need a boy hug ya know? *sigh*

no drinking and still sick!

UGH so I slept hardly at all last night, woke up at 730, felt like shit, still do. Went to class. The prof met someone who knew my dad so he was way chatty with me. I tried to be social but felt like dying, my only breakfast was 2 advils and a gravol. Did they help, nope I made it through my hour and a half class and then as I left couldn't even make it to the bathroom. Yay for the great outdoors. I got to puke in a bush. I must have looked way hungover in front of tons of people. So yah much puking, I feel like crap, managed to get back to res now in pj's and to bed with me I think. Ugh I feel like crap and very embarrased.